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Into Gear

Posted on 2009.11.22 at 17:30
The fact that I have finally sorted out my very own PC proves to me that I am finally getting my life back on track, in more ways than one. And so, I'd like to start climbing back on the modelling horse.

As mentioned in my previous post, modelling has very much been on the backseat of late. The life changing events of being abruptly single, without a home of my own and starting (and settling into) university had to take priority now. But, I'm settled now. I'm currently unzipping some files from DVD's that Drew gave to me. They apparently contain all my files- my music, documents, pictures (the very important folio shots) etc. I have yet to find out whether he has kept to his word and organised everything for me. I should have checked the DVD's sooner as now he won't speak to me. If there were a problem, I'd be a little bit screwed, but one thing Drew is (or was at least) was a man of his word, and he did promise to sort out all of my files on the various PCs and laptops that we had scattered around our old house. If he has sorted it out then I owe him a thankyou, as it was probably a big job.
With the retrieval of all my pictures I am now hoping to add some more to the collection. I've actually done a few paid shoots lately but nothing of which had a great deal of artistic value. Although the ones that did carry creative merit I enjoyed massively. I don't have quite as much of an extensive wardrobe as I used to, with means inevitably I'll be doing a lot more nudes and implied, but with the recent weightloss I feel much more comfortable about such things, so long as the intentions are just.

Aside from my wish to get back to modelling more frequently, I've had a lovely couple of weekends. I've always been something of a party girl, not content with curling up on the sofa with a mug of Cocoa watching "I'm a Celebrity...", and following the Drew-Issue I have had a lot of trouble keeping in touch with people. 90% of our friends are attempting to remain neutral, but as he's in the cool band, has his own place and a lot of money to splash about, sub-consciously he has become the favoured. But, the last few weeks I have had the chance to regain a few social hours with some of the people I've lost which has really lightened my mood. I saw Dopstars Inc last weekend (supported by KIK, of whom have become good pals of mine!) and Alec Empire this Friday. A nice suprise came when Alec himself dragged me onto the stage, such things have never happened to me before. It was a novel experience.

I had better get to organising these files as they've become rather... messy. Any photographers who wish to shoot me, please don't hestitate to get in touch. The sooner I start booking, the better!

X

Long time no speak...

Posted on 2009.11.16 at 01:06


I apologise for not updating my Livejournal in such a long time (bar the rather hyper birthday post which didn't really give much of an update at all!). I found that, faced with any blank space, I would just write endless spiel in regards to the break-up and subsequent homelessness... etc etc. Well, now I've grown into my new regime as best as I possibly ever will so I may as well no longer fear depressing indulgences for the users of the internet to behold!

My parents have, kindly, allowed me to settle with them for the foreseeable future (not the easiest adjustment after my living in my own places for the last three and a half years!) so I no longer need to fear having nowhere to lay my head. I hope it won't be a long-term fixture (purely due to my independent nature) but there are worse places to be. We are getting along tremendously well for, quite possibly, the first time in our entire relationship. I am willing to hazard a guess that the years running my own home renewed my attitude towards their superiority. I also have transport once again. Its not quite my beloved Vitara "Beast" (of whom I miss greatly and I am just as devastated to loose him as I am to loose everything else) but it is certainly a decent car (I haven't a picture of the car itself, but here's an identical one I discovered...
http://varna-rentacar.com/bg/images/cars/Citroen_Xsara_Estate_Car_1.4.jpg). Due to my habit of naming everything, I have named my new set of wheels Max, as he's a 2L Diesel Turbo and is rather nippy indeed!

Other than settling at my parents’ house and gaining Max, I am thoroughly enjoying university. I have made some incredible new friends, the course is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping it would be, and student finances finally paid up everything I was entitled to! (Hence Max!) I am being kept very busy which is exactly what I need right now, any moment where I'm not thinking about the many things I have now to think about, my mind tends to rapidly drift into things that cause me severe emotional distress. The moral of the story is, busy is good!

Oh and I am starting to shoot again. I've also lost the best part of a stone (a break-up has to be the best diet imaginable!) so I'm feeling much better about being a model again. Photographers who want to shoot the new (and slightly more slimline) me should get in touch. I very much doubt the bones will stay there forever!

RAVEN XXX

P.S. One little whinge is allowed. Drew found himself a new girlfriend in less than two months of being apart. It didn't take him very long did it?! Whinge adjourned!

Happy happy happy happy...

Posted on 2009.09.24 at 00:27
... I am now offically half an hour into being a 20 year old, and four days into being a proper full blown student. (Uni fucking rocks. I love it there and I have already made some awesome new friends, GO ME!)

So...

LET THE DRINKING COMMENCE!
Well... after I've driven to uni and back tomorrow of course. (Oh yeah I have a car again now :) ) because I would like to keep my licence....






Oh and... Happy birthday tooo meeee.... Squashed tooomatoess and.... squee?


XXX
 

...

Posted on 2009.09.02 at 23:28
I must learn to live from day to day, or if I can hour to hour... as its the only way I'm going to get through this.

Fuck me do I hate being alone. I feel like half a person.

If I endure another betrayal from someone I hold close... it may just be the end of it. Those who I thought were my friends have been laughing behind my back, as they did when I was little more than a bullied, friendless freak of a child.
 
I have been saying since this all began that this fortnight could only get worse if somebody dies... and low and behold look what fucking happens! If I wasn't such a sceptic I would genuinely believed that I had been cursed.

The bad luck continues and is getting steadily worse. If its not a curse then I must have done something diabolical in a previous life to deserve this.

I just want something good to happen. One little thing to render my life worthwhile again as I've had about all the trauma I can take.

Single Again.

Posted on 2009.08.25 at 19:38
I'm going to keep this brief because talking about it too much is going to upset me beyond measure.

Last Tuesday Drew, rather unexpectedly, dumped me (after four years together, three and a half of which we lived together and what has been described by myself and others as a perfect partnership) and consequently I was forced to leave my home. The only concrete reason for the this he could give me was he simply didn't love me anymore. I have since been forced to live between my parents (they're doing their best but haven't got the space nor the finances to support me) and sofa surfing with some very supportive friends.

I feel very lost and confused, and above all devastated to be losing a man that I still love with all my heart. And as for thoughts about the future... I really struggle to see one for myself. Drew on the other hand seems happier than ever to be rid of me. I must have been a terrible girlfriend.

Upon losing Drew I have also lost a lot more. The band OAK of whom were all good friends (and remained as such, but as Drew's in the band it obviously makes things awkward and they have to prioritize which I respect) and who I can no longer work for, my house of which I had spent nearly two years of my life and had many amazing memories, my car which I shared with Drew, Drew's family of whom I had grown very close to and considered a part of my own family, and nearly all of my possessions. It feels like the plug has been pulled from my life.

Thanks to the emotional distress I have also contracted a very painful lung condition called pleuracy, and thanks to the many tears and my contact lenses I have given myself conjunctivitis. My luck gets worse.

There is little more to say. I am trying to focus on the future. I need to get a job somehow (I have struggled for the past year to find employment but hopefully I am now entitled to some good luck after all this) and keep preparing for university which begins late September. Right now I'm struggling to combat the loneliness and the agonising heartbreak which is plaguing my every second. I am very much trying to find a reason to continue existing. Luckily I have many good friends who have really proved themselves to me during this hard time. I have never really appreciated my fortunate popularty until now.

Despite the fact that he has left me like this and hurt me very badly, I wouldn't hesitate to take him back, not for a second. And while I am sure this will never happen, its pretty much the only reason I am still breathing.

I miss him so fucking much. This has literally been the worst week of my life, and its not as if I have lead a particularly easy life up until this point.

Anyway thats the biggest thing thats happened to me recently. Make of it what you will.

RAVEN X XX

OAK

Posted on 2009.08.12 at 18:41

What's considered good music in this country is completely dire. I am sick to death of the current music industry apparently not giving new and unusual bands out there a chance regardless of the fact that some of them have ten times the talent of 99% of the rubbish that's enjoying fame, fortune and appreciation.

I am very much involved with an industrial metal band called OAK who would be a favourite band of mine- whether I knew them personally or not- based on their music alone. They are incredible both recorded and live, and have worked very very hard to achieve what they have. Everyone who hears their music or witnesses them live has been astounded that they haven't been discovered as of yet. Sadly they were once on the verge of signing a record/distribution deal with the prestigious American record Label "Renaissance Records", they began making plans with them regardings tours and distribution, and within literally a few weeks of signing, they were apologetically contacted and told that due to the economic crisis not only were they not allowed to take on new acts but they also had to drop several of their currently signed bands. The bands moral has been low ever since as, no matter how hard they try, they can't seem to find the same taste of success they had with Renaissance.

Since all this has happened they've had moderate success, voted the best unsigned act on various radio stations etc, and yet their moral still can't be upped no matter how hard they work. I don't want them to quit due to this country's prejudiced and paranoid music industry. They really are too good to sink into nothingness.

Anyway... a bit of shameless plugging can't do any harm right?

www.myspace.com/oakweb - here's the bands myspace. You can find a few of their tracks on there, I do recommend you give them a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK1uNDc-dRU - the bands music video for their first single "Torn", filmed while the record deal was still going ahead. Better times.


I don't know what I'm expecting from this. I guess some love for the boys wouldn't go amiss? They are genuinely incredible and the most lovely group of guys you would ever meet. They've become like brothers to me over the years. I would choose their success over mine any day, God knows they've worked hard enough for it.

Keep it industrial...

RAVEN X

This is one of those exceptionally annoying "notes" on Facebook that I rather enjoyed doing. No questions, just 25 open spaces to fill in whatever way I felt necessary. So, this is what I wrote:




1. I have, and always have had, the urge to chew and suck the water out of bath sponges. While this is very satisfying it means my sponge consumption is much higher than it should be so for economical reasons I was forced to switch to a puff. But when I'm with it I'm always thinking of the sponge it could be...

2. My longest standing career aspiration is to be a novelist. I have wanted to write ever since I learnt how to read. Other (less long standing) career aspirations include: archaeologist, lawyer, journalist, doctor and actress.

3. I fell into modelling by sheer accident, but I'm very glad I did. It's, more than anything, a big fuck you to the numerous people who made my life hell throughout school. "I'm hot, you're not!" And so on...

4. I can be a massive social retard and my, often tactless, honesty often losses me friends. Its something that I genuinely wish I could change about myself as I hate hurting peoples feelings. I apologise to everyone I've ever hurt with my tactlessness. But, take solice in the fact that if I have even been hurtfully honest with you its because I care about you.

5. I absolutely despise two-facedness and bitchyness, hence why my friend ratio leans massively towards men over women. The women I am good friends with are normally the same as me and get along with men moreso than those of the female persuasion.

6. I have dozens upon dozens of mates, but very few close friends. Yet I would do nearly anything for anyone I consider a friend, no matter how close I consider them.

7. I have never once flown (on a plane) or stayed in a hotel. Yep, poor under privileged me. I'm looking forward to my first experiances of both!

8. I wrote my first novel at the age of thirteen. It stood at 100.000 words long and was a tale of other worldy dimensions and hellish armageddon. I was an imaginative youngster. Sadly I have never had the guts to do anything with it so I very much doubt it will ever be read by another.

9. I love to smoke. Especially flavoured tobbacco, mmm. I think the only reason I will ever have to quit would be pregnancy!

10. Aesthetic perfection is not important to me consciously, and yet sub consciously I crave it. By perfection I of course mean my own definition and not the commonly recognised, fashion and media fabricated rubbish.

11. I wish I had more control of myself (mostly my libido) when under the influence of alcohol. I despise how primitive it makes me, and yet I just can't get enough!

12. Although I'm not a spiritualist I have numerous spiritual beliefs which have been supported by various events in my life. I have had countless encounters with dead people (ghosts in other words) and have the ability to see and read auras. A despite all of this I am still fairly sceptical. I put this down to my need for scientific explanations for everything.

13. Thanks to an illfated snorkelling incident on the island of Islay when I was 11 I have suffered with a crippling phobia of crustaceans (kabauraphobia). Its pretty hard to even write about them.

14. I once benefited from the fact that I look alot older than I actually am. Now the benefits of such no longer exist now I'm old enough to do pretty much anything in this country I would be perfectly content with looking my age. Or younger.

15. Since the age of thirteen my longest record for remaining single is two weeks. Although I adore my partner (now of four years) I do sometimes wonder how I would fare with singledom. Not enough to act upon it though hehe.

16. I am notoriously clumsy but make up for it by having lightning fast reactions. If I didn't have the latter I'm sure my clumsiness would have cost lives!

17. I have an overwhelming fetish for defined cheekbones on men. Other things on my fetish list include guys with long/interesting hair, piecings and tattoos, guys in makeup (especially eyeliner), girls with curves in all the right places and gothic fashionings!

18. My pet peeves include late night "flirt text" advertisements (a massive con which actually lessens my faith in the human race) chav-attitude, prejudice, music played through phone speakers and films starring Nicholas Cage. Everything about the man seriously bugs me.

19. Despite my heritage I absolutely despise the heat. When the temperatures soar all my human functions shut down and I become a withered babbling wreck who can only whine about the heat...

20. Living in a small town has made me tough to people's reactions to me. The way I act, look and speak get judged constantly. I have developed quick and witty answers to all the frequently asked questions... and the insults of course!

21. I have a very bizzare metabolism. I put on weight extremely easily, but also don't have much trouble in losing it again. However I have very little self control when it comes to food so it's a constant battle.

22. Every man I have ever been romantically involved with has been a musician of a sort. Its a masochistic trait some would say!

23. I drink about 20 pin mugs of green tea (usualy decaffinated) everyday. It has its benefits!

24. I adore the scent of petrol and fresh tarmac. And I also love driving! Being able to drive, for me, is better for my mental well being than any anti depressant. I would love to be more technically minded so I could become a proper petrol head.

25. Love is the biggest driving force in my life. My love for my partner, my friends and my family are the things that keep me going.
 
And that is that.

X

P.S My full name is Raven Brookes to anyone who wants to stalk me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure I'm the only Raven Brookes that exists on it so I shouldn't be hard to find. I'm considering setting myself up on twitter at some point... what are the benefits of twitter to facebook and myspace etc?

A vampire...

Posted on 2009.08.05 at 21:56

I am aware that I'm flooding you with my work with Kestrel, odd as I do work with other togs on a regular basis, but his stuff really does excell all my other work.
That said, have me as a vampire! (The fangs are by Steve of http://www.freewebs.com/customfangs/ of whom I am to be the avatar model :)



Rarr!
X

Pictures like this...

Posted on 2009.07.27 at 00:35
... Make modelling worth while!






I could work with Kestrel everyday. A true artiste!

X

A lovely long weekend in Wales...

Posted on 2009.07.13 at 20:32

Yesterday I returned from my long weekend in Wales where I partook in what I think has been my most sucessful shoot of the year so far. I stayed with the somewhat legendary photographer Kestrel and his lovely partner Mary in a tiny, remote and gloriously picturesque village in Snowdon. The weekend was spent with me partially (if at all!) clad atop of mountains and in rivers as well as Kestrels studio and I already got some great shots. I'm due to go back for a big gathering of some of their regular models for the bank holiday weekend at the end of August. I already can't wait!
It was a good chance for a little relaxing and recooperation too. To return back to the grind of Kidderminster has been a little bit of a culture shock!

Anyways here's a few of the pictures I have so far. I'm very very pleased with them. All opinions are appreciated!





X

Click to see more... )

A New Toy!

Posted on 2009.07.03 at 20:19

We have a beast in our garden in the form of a 1976 Land Rover!



The details of which I haven't a clue about, luckily the man who owns it does and tells me its a Series III, LWB, 2.25 Petrol Ex-Military, so it must have some stories to tell. That is if it could talk!
The reason it has happened to settle in our garden is thus, our good friend Tim commandered it after it had sat rotting in his friends garden with the pretence to restore it, and with alot of hard work it is just a few minor tweaks away from passing its MOT! Tim had nowhere to store it, and with Drew and I loving off roading in our little Vitara and with a huge garden it seemed like the obvious solution!
Today we rallied togethr and cleaned 4 years worth of grime off it, and beneath it is a stunning piece of machinary. I want to use it in a shoot I think, it is certainly photogenic!


X

A new addition!

Posted on 2009.07.01 at 01:24

I should start calling this my geckojournal not my livejournal as my little family of lizards seems to feature in subject moreso than my modelling or, for that matter, anything else!

Well I have yet another new baby as reptile fever does warrant lots of new cute things to play with. This one is actually a very rare breed of Gecko known as a "Blizzard" Gecko, and isn't an albino Leopard as some believe! She is but a few weeks old, hence the strange colouration, but when she's fully grown she will be pure white.

Introducing Pepper Brookes the baby blizzard!




As beautiful as she is she isn't a very socialble creature like the others are. She's exceptionally difficult to handle. In fact when we first attempted to hold her she would bite and screech at us as if we were trying to eat her! It was a shock as we have barely ever heard the tiniest squeak from the others, but this little thing has some seriously powerful lungs! We've been attempting to catch the phemomena on video but as soon as a camera is pointed at her she's as good as gold! I have a theory she's just an off-camera diva...
After a few weeks of gentle handling by Drew and myself she is comfortable being handled by us (strictly under her terms and conditions though, if she is even slightly unnerved by sound or movement she will freak out in an epic fashion!) but if anybody else comes anywhere near her she will screech her heart out! Poor little thing. I hope with some tender loving care she will become as placid and affectionate as Terri and Tetra.

In other (gecko related, of course!) news Tetra was very ill lately, so ill we thought we would loose her. She wasn't eating, her body was bloated and she had so little energy she could barely move to drink from her water dish. We were at a loss for what to do and took her to the local reptile dealer who, after a brief examniation, revealed to us she had a case of genetic liver failure and would die within the month. I was devastated. Luckily before we resigned Tetra off to the big Vivarium in the sky we had the sense to book her in for an appointment with a reptile specialist vet. This was an expensive move for what we thought would very simply be another verdict of doom, and yet I couldn't be more relieved that we had done so. The vets verdict was that Tetra was suffering from a very nasty (and if left any longer certainly fatal) case of parasites most likely caught from another Gecko while being transported from the breeders to the store. We were given alot of medication to feed to her over the course of the week (not an easy task at all) and she has appeared to have made a full recovery. I couldn't be happier that we made the (albeit expensive) decision to take her to see the vet. If we hadn't the parasites would have certainly killed her. I guess the moral of the story in this case is not to trust anybody's advice but those medically trained.

Anyway that's it from me for today, I need to try and get some sleep!

The Gecks say hello :)

X

A sad day for all...

Posted on 2009.06.26 at 19:57

I was going through a bout of insomnia once again so caught all the news upfront. It didn't make it any easier to take.

Rest In Peace Michael Jackson, a true legend has been laid to rest. I always adored his music and talents as a performer and I will miss him dreadfully. I'm just glad I was alive during the reign of the prince of pop.



RIP.



XXX

I've done it again!

Posted on 2009.06.07 at 19:58

As a present to myself (and to fill in the empty faunarium now Terri has moved onto a bigger crib!) I drove to a nearby reptile breeder and returned with a tiny baby Leopard Gecko for some companionship for Terri!

Introducing... Tetra Brookes the baby Leopard Gecko!





And here's her with her (now much older) new companion Terri (who is usually just as vivid as her younger conterpart , but she was just about to shed here so looks much duller) You can see how truly tiny she is here...






I've nearly convinced Drew to let me have a snake too so watch this space ;)


My Gecko colony is growing!



X









A little bit of good news

Posted on 2009.06.04 at 12:43
I passed my driving test today (meaning I passed 2nd time which is not too bad) and I am rather chuffed. Now I can drive my big red beast (a Suzuki Vitara which is such a fun car to drive!) to Uni and back everyday which will be about half the cost of what it would have been if I'd had to go on the train and catch the buses. And as a bit of extra luck, when I called up to change my insurance details, it was revealed my insurance went down by a fair percentage as I now have a full license! I wasn't expecting that at all!

Very very pleased with myself. I've already been on my first official drive, completely alone, and despite expecting myself to be nervous and hesitant, I was the most confident I have ever been! Drove all around the surrounding towns and bought myself and Drew a celebration Snickers hehe. And do you know what the best part of it was? I could blast my music as loud as I wanted and sing along until my lungs burst, even more fun while driving than I anticipated!

And heres the beast in all its glory! A nice first car for a metaller like myself.

Anyone want a lift?!




XXX

Of Pimps and Lizards...

Posted on 2009.05.20 at 15:12
I've been pretty good at shoving up modelling pics on here lately, so here I am with yet another installment while they're still fresh! Aren't I good to you? Haha.

This was the last of the shoots I enjoyed at the Kinky Boots Slipland shoot, before I hurt my knee. It was a simple idea that we'd discussed. Coats, hats and lingerie. I provided the coats (borrowing one from my nan, of all people, the white one of which I've fallen madly in love with and really want to keep!) he provided the hats (which I also adored!) and threw in a cane for good measure. We decided the lovely empty lane by the shoot location would do just fine and off we went! The sun came out and the wind ceased for the first time all day so I wasn't bracing myself against the elements for these images. Plus, I was wearing a hat! I adore hats but have been nagged into not ever wearing them by my partner Drew of whom despises all hats, but he had no say in this as it was the photographers shoot not his, and so I could revel in the hatness for a little while.




I have named the shoot the "Country Pimp" because, albeit unintentionally, I feel I have captured a rather pimpish essense! I'm rather pleased with that.

In other news I enjoyed a pleasant few hours today in the local reptile shop. I was buying some food for Terry (large black crickets, the downside to keeping reptiles is you have to feed them live food. Quite the price to pay if you're of my disposition on such matters) and got talking with the owner of whom is an enormous reptile fanantic. I ended up staying there for quite a while playing with their live stock! I got to hold a huge blue tongued skink (a gorgeous and powerful creature... that scratched the shit out of my hands lol), a young rainbow python, a larger python (I can't recall what type it was, but it was stunning), numerous Geckos, some baby and adult bearded dragons (also had very very sharp claws) and, my ultimate treat, I got to hold a hatchling of my ultimate snake, a milk snake. It was the most stunning thing to look at and I loved holding it and playing with it... and I have decided that I am going to get one, one day, whatever the cost. It was truly love at first sight as it was with me and Terry (he was somewhat of a spontaneous buy lol) and if I had the money on me (a hatchling milk snake will set you back £200 for the creature alone!) I'd have probably left with him!

I believe I have what the fanatics call... Reptile Fever!
So my reptile wish list now consists of...:

*A Milk Snake
*A female Leopard Gecko (to breed with Terry when he's fully grown)
*A couple of female Day Geckos
*A corn snake, preferably one with a red and black colour morph but I'm not fussy

And currently on the maybe pile...

*An iguana
*A water dragon
*A Royal Python (also known as a Ball Python)
*A bearded dragon
*A mexican red kneed tarantula (I know its not a reptile but I would love to have one)


Does anyone have an experiance with the aformentioned creatures? Or reptiles in general? I'm still new at keeping them but still seem to have done a good job with Terry (the Gecko) if so then details of your experiances will be appreciated.

In other news I have decided that something really has to be done about my weight, I am officially sick to death of being the size I am, and while I know I'm not overweight persay (in fact my BMI according to my GP is is pretty much what it should be) I simply do not feel attractive at this size. My main issue is excercise. I don't eat very much at all, at a max 1,200 calories a day (mostly because I suffer from an extremely slow metabolism, if I eat too much in a day then I will literally barely be able to fit into my clothes within the week) but since I've been unemployed I have found myself lounging around doing very little for 90% of my day. I have a body which responds well to exercise when I do do it. When I was working and on my feet and walking a few miles a day I was still the same size but very toned and any time spent at the gym (when I could afford it) would show immediatly. But my body also works the other way. If I don't excercise constantly then I become a big wobbly mass within no time at all. I need to join a gym (once I start uni at least), cut a few hundred calories from my diet and maybe I'll feel attractive again a size or two smaller. Maybe. It is genuinely affecting my emotional well being though, I ca barely look at myself in the mirror right now lol, and I'm generally a vain buggar!

This all sounds very narcissistic I am aware. I think it most likely the amount of time I have on my hands coupled with my looks/modelling being my only actual attributes due to the lack of money and work. I have alot of time to focus on my appearance and that is never very good at all. And I know I'll never be truly happy... but I would love to be able to look at a picture or look in the mirror... and not see a plump untoned and average looking woman who is acting more attractive than she actually is by modelling. I may just need distracting with something more fufilling and I'm just overdoing the appearance thing because I have nothing else to focus on... maybe. I just know right now its bothering me deeply.

If I had the cash I would get an abundance of cosmetic surgery haha. Come on Euro Millions!!!

XXX

A little bit of primping...

Posted on 2009.05.13 at 01:16
I have done a few shoots lately that I'm fairly proud of, so I'm here to show off a few of the shots to see what you livejournal people think of them (if anything) The first of which is from one of the few successful shoots I completed at the Slipland shoot of which, if you refer to my previous entry, you will see why I only worked with half of my designated photographers!
The best shoot of the day was my first with a photographer (who was, interestingly recently, retired from the army) Dale Rogerson who I think captured my best side:





And second of all this saturday (luckily my still extremely unphotogenic knee was covered for this!) I took part in a shoot located in some of the grubbiest corners of central Birmingham that was to be themed on Brody Dalle. While I don't think I completely captured her unique essense, it was certainly a fun (and very windy, as you shall see) shoot and proffered some excellent results. And, as a nice bonus, I met up with one of my oldest friends Wilson afterwards and later on Lysa and her boyfriend Chris and visited Scruffy Murphys, The Weatherspoons (for some lunch- where I also happened to get ID'd which cheered me right up!) and Subside so a very good day overall!





I like how bright one set is and how monochrome the other is... I love how my shoots contrast so dramatically sometimes. I guess its one of the biggest benefits with working with lots of different folks, your folio gains some serious variety.

X

P.S. My student finance application is still "Awaiting Assessment". Henceforth I am getting ready to head over to Darlington with a baseball bat. Anyone want to meet me up there? We could make a day of it! 


...a very very swollen knee!!!

I attended the Kinky Boots Slipland shoot on Sunday, was there for a total of four or five hours (working with meerly five togs out of my designated eleven) before my knee collided with some concrete after a group shoot + bouncy castle incident. Luckily, several very beautiful women in lingerie fell on top of me and pulled me up again, so despite the agonising pain I was feeling quite merry!
But alas the shoot had to still be cut short, and after a two hour drive from Kidderminster to St Albans I had to drive all the way back (well Drew- who also twisted his ankle slipping on some gravel, what a pair we made- drove halfway, and I had to drive the rest of the way. My injured knee was very unfortunatly my left knee... and we have an impossibly high and stiff clutch on our suzuki vitara so it didn't really aide my recovery. But, nevertheless, I worked with some lovely people and got some great images so the journey was not wasted. And all the togs that I didn't get to work with want to organise seperate shoots which is great news for me! And a few days and several bags of frozen peas later my knee is back to normal minus a bruise (which I swear is bouncy castle shaped...). In Drews own words: "fuck me you heal fast!" which I certainly do. I think its my bodies way of making up for being pretty shit at everything else.

I am extremely glad of working with one tog in particular, myself and KK1 had discussed an idea previously to the shoot consisting of a tribute to the famous Christine Keeler chair image (as it was a 60's themed shoot and Keeler was a very reknown 60's pinup) of which I think came out superbly:







This image alone was worth the trip for me, but seeing Pam and Darren and briefly[info]araminta was also a treat, and the other models there were some of the friendliest I've ever encountered on a group shoot before, so aside from the bouncy castle and early departure I had a fantastic day.


And now I'm off to simmer some soup. Rock'n'Roll.


XXX

 




 


From my shell.

Posted on 2009.04.28 at 12:10
I have just realised how much of a hermit my depression has made me. I seem to be cowering in the house waiting for things to come to me having no inclination to even step outside to find those things for myself.
Anyone who knows me personally will know that I am pretty much bordering on insane. My psychologist calls it "Bi-Polar" but a mental illness is a mental illness... and lately my insomnia has returned with a vengeance. Briefly I was relieved of it, and oh it was a blissful time. I had energy, I felt optimistic and, best of all, I wasn't keeping my partner awake all night with my ramblings and tossings and turnings and various other late night activities! But alas it was a short lived period and now the old me has returned. I, once again, can only sleep during the day and if I have been deprived entirely of sleep for at least 48 hours. I swear with each extreme bout my level gets higher and higher. But I always have random spurts of creativity with insomnia... so I may use it to my advantage and actually start writing again, God knows I need all the practice I can get after a year of very little brain activity at all (I require at least some stimulation to get the synapses firing!) with my embarking on the university path in September... all being well.

Speaking of university things seem to be looking a little brighter. The student finance idiots have finally acknowledged my existence and my status has been upgraded to "Awaiting Assessment"... which probably means they finally rediscovered my paperwork after an office junior dropped it behind the photocopier and have placed it in their "to do" pile. Its not exactly progress as I would like it to be after waiting such a bloody long time for news but hey, its better than still being lost behind photocopiers!

I'm in the mood for typing today.


So, whats new in the life of me I hear you cry? (Well, I'd like to hear you cry, its always good to be paid attention I think!) too be honest very little. I have been stuck in a motivational and uneventful rut for the past year and literally can't wait to be out of this placid and drole world that I have been inhabiting. Aside from pubs, clubs and the occasional gig and photoshoot there is so little to report it is painful. I strive for achievement and thus so far have achieved pretty much nothing since I completed my A Levels last year, and I will be honest it is killing me! I need business and challenges lest my brain isn't distracted and I begin to start delving into the deep recesses of my mind... and that means over analyzation, self flagellation and ultimately deep depression. Such things can be avoided if I am distracted, if I have projects I can devote my time to, sink my teeth into and feel proud of upon completion. And THIS is why I have been going on and on like a reminiscent geriatric about my university placement. I literally physically can't wait to get out of this rut and start feeling like a member of the living once again. I have been merely a husk of my former self this year, over indulging to numb the agony and loneliness of boredom, and finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Life actually doesn't seem so fucking bad now.

Oh if only things could go smoothly. I am hoping and even praying to whichever deity is passing by that I can go on and complete my degree without anymore administration errors and technicalities blocking my path. I am desperate to join the land of the living again!




Ahh it feels good to feel hope rushing through my body again. It will probably only end in disappointment and heartache but I'll struggle through it. I think I know what it is I am going to do with my life now, and it feels so damn good.




I'm off to busy myself now lest this sudden urge to write fails me! Apologies for the sporadic post my dears I just wanted to share :)


XXX

A dry spell...

Posted on 2009.04.14 at 02:17
I have just realised how little I have booked modelling-wise. I generally go through dry spells and then suddenly find myself really busy all at once. Perhaps this is meerly a dry spell?
I can't beat myself up too much. I've had alot of personal crap to deal with and have been quite busy with other commitments... but the last thing I want to do is disappear off the scene all together. Although folks have commented on the sheerly vast amount I have accomplished modelling wise in the past two years... I have done quite a bit. And yet I'm not ready to be past my peak, I haven't even hit twenty yet!

Fuck me I am shite at networking though. If I'm going to keep my name out there I have to buck my ideas up.


Any tog out there want to rescue me? I fancy a shoot :)



XXX

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